The wonders of unemployment
My life is boring. This is what I do every day;
9-9:30 Wake up with much groaning and stretching and whining.
9:30 Eat Rice Krispies for breakfast with a mug of tea with milk, half reading the front page of the paper and half reading the back of the Rice Krispies box.
10:00 Get online, check e-mail (always spam or Thailand update queries to which I have no answers), check MySpace, check this site and write something if I'm feeling funny, which I never am at 10 am, check the Dooce, and just generally dick around for an hour or so.
11:00 Reluctantly put some real clothes on and start cleaning up my filthy house, because my mother insists I contribute to the household instead of just mooching, and she's totally right but it's much more fun to groan and roll my eyes than just acquiesce. I'm not an acquiescent person, if that's a word.
12:30 Notice delightedly it's approximately lunch time, stop cleaning, and begin cooking something carb- and fat-filled, like noodles with alfredo or my personal delicious invention, cheesy rice soup.
1:30 Roll my lunch-bloated carcass to either the couch or my bed for a post-lunch snooze. Funny, I don't look 85 years old.
3:00 Wake up from post-lunch snooze with much groaning and stretching and whining. Resume cleaning and various chores around house.
4:00 Decide exercise is what's needed and put my running shoes on, which causes four smallish but decidedly energetic dogs to go mildly insane and begin bouncing off walls and biting themselves and each other and barking at inanimate objects.
4:03 Put on iPod (invention of the Gods) and take mildly insane, small bouncing hairy objects for a walk, punctuated with acute embarrassment as I am caught singing along with Cindy Lauper by other dog-walkers.
4:50 Arrive home with only slightly tired dogs. Resume cleaning.
6:00 Begin cooking dinner, which is usually some combination of the following: salad, rice, chicken, frozen vegetables, fresh vegetables.
6:30-7 Parents arrive home, tell me house looks nice, thank me for doing a bunch of stuff. Serve dinner, thank heaven someone else has to clean up.
8:00 Parents remember all the other stuff I was supposed to do today and start yelling.
8:30-10:30 Fight over t.v. clicker and computer access with brother and parents.
10:30-11 Put doggies to bed, lock doors, start dishwasher, get into bed.
11-11:30 Read current book, always one of the following: fluffy chick lit about big-city career girl finding love, murder mystery involving English country homes or Hannibal Lecter, or Tom Clancy-style thriller involving battle-toughened men and international intrigue.
11:30-11:45 Play a few rounds of Pyramids on my cell phone.
12:00-12:15 Wiggle around to find comfortable position because Sid is stretched out in the dead center of the mattress and the mere act of falling asleep causes him to gain 20 lbs.
12:30 Fall asleep, praising God and the pharmaceutical industry for the wonders of Ambien.
Repeat.
9-9:30 Wake up with much groaning and stretching and whining.
9:30 Eat Rice Krispies for breakfast with a mug of tea with milk, half reading the front page of the paper and half reading the back of the Rice Krispies box.
10:00 Get online, check e-mail (always spam or Thailand update queries to which I have no answers), check MySpace, check this site and write something if I'm feeling funny, which I never am at 10 am, check the Dooce, and just generally dick around for an hour or so.
11:00 Reluctantly put some real clothes on and start cleaning up my filthy house, because my mother insists I contribute to the household instead of just mooching, and she's totally right but it's much more fun to groan and roll my eyes than just acquiesce. I'm not an acquiescent person, if that's a word.
12:30 Notice delightedly it's approximately lunch time, stop cleaning, and begin cooking something carb- and fat-filled, like noodles with alfredo or my personal delicious invention, cheesy rice soup.
1:30 Roll my lunch-bloated carcass to either the couch or my bed for a post-lunch snooze. Funny, I don't look 85 years old.
3:00 Wake up from post-lunch snooze with much groaning and stretching and whining. Resume cleaning and various chores around house.
4:00 Decide exercise is what's needed and put my running shoes on, which causes four smallish but decidedly energetic dogs to go mildly insane and begin bouncing off walls and biting themselves and each other and barking at inanimate objects.
4:03 Put on iPod (invention of the Gods) and take mildly insane, small bouncing hairy objects for a walk, punctuated with acute embarrassment as I am caught singing along with Cindy Lauper by other dog-walkers.
4:50 Arrive home with only slightly tired dogs. Resume cleaning.
6:00 Begin cooking dinner, which is usually some combination of the following: salad, rice, chicken, frozen vegetables, fresh vegetables.
6:30-7 Parents arrive home, tell me house looks nice, thank me for doing a bunch of stuff. Serve dinner, thank heaven someone else has to clean up.
8:00 Parents remember all the other stuff I was supposed to do today and start yelling.
8:30-10:30 Fight over t.v. clicker and computer access with brother and parents.
10:30-11 Put doggies to bed, lock doors, start dishwasher, get into bed.
11-11:30 Read current book, always one of the following: fluffy chick lit about big-city career girl finding love, murder mystery involving English country homes or Hannibal Lecter, or Tom Clancy-style thriller involving battle-toughened men and international intrigue.
11:30-11:45 Play a few rounds of Pyramids on my cell phone.
12:00-12:15 Wiggle around to find comfortable position because Sid is stretched out in the dead center of the mattress and the mere act of falling asleep causes him to gain 20 lbs.
12:30 Fall asleep, praising God and the pharmaceutical industry for the wonders of Ambien.
Repeat.
posted by Laura at
10:46 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home