Laura's Learned-the-Hard-Way Guide to Eating in Thailand

Trust me on this one, people. If I'd had one of these when I arrived here, I'd have saved many a poor defenseless taste bud.

-When Thai people say "Can you eat Thai food?" or "Do you like Thai food?" what they really mean is "How do you feel about setting fire to your tongue?"

-If a Thai person says something is not spicy at all, that means it's spicier than most American food, but if you've eaten plenty of Mexican, you should be okay. Your tongue will definitely tingle, but not in a bad way.

-"A little spicy" is about the same as Hot salsa at home. Meaning, a jug or two of water and some bread or rice is probably advisable.

-Plain old "spicy" means prepare to have your face slowly melt off.

-"Very spicy" means. . .well, I suppose I don't really need a tongue.

-Yes, those really are cockroaches and grasshoppers deep-fried and served in little paper bags like they're salt-water taffy.

-If it looks like chicken and smells like chicken, DON'T eat it. It's probably an insect or horse or dog or similar not-very-appetizing kind of animal.

-Get used to having your dinner make google-eyes at you, because they don't do fish steak. You get the whole fish or nothing at all.