Get Thee Behind Me, Karen Ziglar!!!
Someone is out to get me. Someone is trying to drive me insane (not that I need the help but, you know, literary license). I swear, the entire world is one big conspiracy against me and my sanity and my self-respect and my image of myself. Here I am, in Thailand, trying to be a good teacher and a good person and all of that other stuff your mother and Oprah have always said you should be, and "they're" messing with me!
No, I don't know who "they" are, specifically, but if I HAD to guess I'd say a former cult leader from Aptos High School with bouffant hair and an ill-advised preference for smocks with coordinated scarves, perhaps with her oddly identical daughters, fresh from the tanning booth, heel-stretching behind her.
How? How, you say? Well I'll just tell you. I'm just trying to be a teacher here. Teaching, going to the beach, drinking. It's a quiet life. I'm not bothering anyone. And they're trying to turn me into that person I still have nightmares about. . . .a CHEERLEADING COACH! IN THAILAND!!
Honestly, now, wasn't four obsessive years of my life enough? Now I'm the newly appointed coach of a cheerleading team at Wat Khot school, Rayong, Thailand. I don't know how this happened. I'm just minding my own business at school today, thinking about where I could buy fish-shaped stickers, and the next thing I know. . . .WHAMMO! I can't get out of the cult, even in Thailand. IN THAILAND, FOR HELL'S SAKE! OY!!!!!
I just want to know, seriously now, HOW DID THEY KNOW???
I can't even write. THAILAND. CHEERLEADING. CHEERLEADING. THAILAND.
No, I don't know who "they" are, specifically, but if I HAD to guess I'd say a former cult leader from Aptos High School with bouffant hair and an ill-advised preference for smocks with coordinated scarves, perhaps with her oddly identical daughters, fresh from the tanning booth, heel-stretching behind her.
How? How, you say? Well I'll just tell you. I'm just trying to be a teacher here. Teaching, going to the beach, drinking. It's a quiet life. I'm not bothering anyone. And they're trying to turn me into that person I still have nightmares about. . . .a CHEERLEADING COACH! IN THAILAND!!
Honestly, now, wasn't four obsessive years of my life enough? Now I'm the newly appointed coach of a cheerleading team at Wat Khot school, Rayong, Thailand. I don't know how this happened. I'm just minding my own business at school today, thinking about where I could buy fish-shaped stickers, and the next thing I know. . . .WHAMMO! I can't get out of the cult, even in Thailand. IN THAILAND, FOR HELL'S SAKE! OY!!!!!
I just want to know, seriously now, HOW DID THEY KNOW???
I can't even write. THAILAND. CHEERLEADING. CHEERLEADING. THAILAND.
posted by Laura at
4:16 AM
2 Comments:
I don't know what to say. I pretty much peed my pants seeing "Karen Ziglar" in the title. I need to recover a bit. Oh! The trauma! Good description on the identical daughters.
You don't even know how badlly I want to forward your link to the Ziglar clan...maybe written in the Christmas card I'm sending them, as the dutiful Rogers'girl...I can almost feel your moustache growing as I write this!
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