Okay, sorry about the post-less, all-title post there. I typed the title and got so depressed I threw myself off the nearest balcony. But notice this post doesn't have a title, so we can call it even, yes?

So. . . .am enormous cow-type creature. Have gained 376 lbs since October. No, I don't know why. Yes, I drink a lot of Sprite and apple juice instead of water. Yes, I'm a girl who likes her lemon popsicles. No, I don't really "exercise" per se. . .unless you count the frequently harrowing trips to the blackboard. Yes, I ate that pound of sour gummi worms in 2 days, give or take a day. No, I can't give you a number because I don't have a scale.

Okay, don't actually KNOW if I've gained any weight. It's possible I haven't- but it sure as goddamn feels like it! Because everything in Thailand is tiny! I have to wear an XL. Yes, XL. As in, eXtra Large. As in, you-are-the-size-of-a-hippo, you-oinker. As in, yo mama so fat when she sat on a rainbow, out popped a bunch of Skittles.

(Speaking of which, I could really do some Skittle damage right now. . .mmm, taste that rainbow.)

I cannot find clothes here. There are some cute ones. . .but they just refuse to fit me. Pants cry uncle around mid-thigh. Skirts threaten permanent damage to my internal organs. I have particular trouble with button-up tops. Even in extra large they rarely close properly over my- let's see, how best to say this- my lovely lady lumps.

It's quite bad for my self-esteem. For my mental health in general. Makes me sad. . . so please send candy immediately.