You Might Be a Weinershnitzel. . .

. . . if you insist that blue balls are a real and life-threatening problem.
. . . if you think your Encino Man hairstyle makes you punkish and cool.
. . . if you let your girlfriend get her panties in a twist about your girl friends.
. . . if you think "I'll call you on Friday" means "I'll call you sometime in the next year. Maybe."
. . . if you refer to all women, even those significantly older than yourself, as "girls."
. . . if you think paying $4.50 for my drink entitles you to touch any part of my body.
. . . if you put a cartoon sticker of Calvin peeing on a different brand of car on your car. You only make Calvin do it because you don't have the cojones to do it yourself.
. . . if you have a tribal tattoo and are not from Samoa. Get your own ethnicity, you poser.
. . . if you ever, ever refer to breasts as "fun bags." This goes for women too. They are boobies, boobs, titties, talents, but NOT "fun bags."
. . . if you put fake bullet-hole decals on your car. Getting shot at is not a good thing. Pretending you've been shot at is a weinershnitzel thing.