Happy Muvver's Day!

Hope everyone gave their mommy a hug or at least a phone call today! Just think of all the wonderful things your mommy has done for you, starting with giving you life by pushing a bowling ball through a. . .well, a place that is much, much smaller than a bowling ball.

Now, back to me.

So it turns out that lying on a beach drinking beer and vodka and whiskey and eating bacon baguette sandwiches can cause one to gain rather a large amount of weight. Who knew? Therefore, I'm embarking on a frighteningly strict diet, starting yesterday, wherein I attempt to morph myself in to a rabbit. No, something skinnier, but with a similar diet. A ferret? I actually have no idea what ferrets eat.

Anyway. I've decided the best way to keep myself motivated is to talk about it ad nauseaum. That way people will ask me how it's going and give me pointedly disapproving looks if they catch me snarfing a heaping bowl of fettucine Alfredo. Which is annoying and unpleasant. . .but so is an ass the size of the Indian sub-continent.

So, feel free, if we see each other about town, to smack the hand holding the garlic cheese bread.